A Farewell to Arms

I work in a gun shop, which is an iffy business even by American standards. Despite our impressive anti-burglary precautions, the only real security during business hours is me, my phone, and my sidearm. Recently, three kids came in gawking at the "silenced machine guns" which are just Cobray-type semi-auto pistols with flash suppressors - generally as useless and unimpressive to the knowledgeable as the people who gawk at them. One of them at length ordered some ammo and produced ID. He was old enough, so I wrote up a receipt and went to the back room to get change (we don't even have a proper register). I returned to observe the lot of them leaving hurriedly. This looked suspicious, so I performed a quick visual inventory check, and, sure enough, a handgun turned up missing, from a display case that the owner never saw fit to install locks on. After some hours of phone calls and interviews and paperwork with several law enforcement agencies, they issued BOLOs and went on the hunt.

The cops were incredulous - as am I - that there was no audio/visual security recording. The boss was incredulous that there was such "gross negligence" that something like this could happen. He said that there was "no excuse" after asking me to explain what happened and interrupting my response. He's right, but for the wrong reasons. He can't be bothered to set up security for business hours or even give me a till so as not to leave the counter unattended for a moment... negligent indeed, but not on my part. Anyway, the only reason that there was any lead at all to follow was that I had IDed the guy for the ammo and had his info, which was not any procedure the boss had set up, and is more than I am legally required to do. I guess his pals had failed to notice me copying from his license. Morons the lot, on both sides of the counter.

Anyway, I am glad to report that the principal detective just called to say that the guy who showed ID was found and that, after whatever methods of persuasion were applied, gave up his pal. The pal has since confessed, but the gun remains unrecovered as yet. I'm sure that the boss only cares about the value of the gun, and that's fine. I am here for mercenary self-interest and will not undertake heroic efforts to protect his property. My gun is for defending my person and nothing else. I now spend my days amusing myself at what bullshit "excuses" he'd have made to the cops and the press and the attorneys for my estate if I had gotten my head blown off. I expect that the laughter isn't over yet - will apprise about the legal bullshit yet to come.

-ljp 20070305